Slow motion

(Listen to the music while reading blog post. This time big thanks to Laci Plattner for the music recommendation. Come to Madeira!)

Ocean on my left-hand side, mountain on the right-hand side.
I’m sitting on a chair warmed up by sunshine, the scent on my clothes is sun-perfume, just like on my hair. There are still spots of salt everywhere on my skin, marks left by the swim in the ocean. I’m just gazing the beauty.
And in this paradise moment I suddenly understand that I have company: the wanderlust already took a seat on my left shoulder and now different doubts are fighting for the position on my right shoulder.
Actually, what the hell is wrong with me?
What the hell am I chasing this much?
Why the hell do I have to be concerned about something all the time?
Why the hell am I incapable of just be?
And finally, why the hell do I ask myself stupid questions?!

During the last week here on Madeira I couldn’t help feeling that I’m in some inexplicable slow motion mode. From the always busy, always hectic, extremely accelerated world of Budapest, a capital of two-million, it always used to be a romantic vision to just sit on the edge of nothing and stare at the infinity.
Now on the other hand, it might be weird, but it requires some effort from me to adapt to this slow life. As if my nerves which were trained in the capital couldn’t get a grip on this enormous tranquility.
In every third minute I get myself on wanting to go somewhere, wanting to do something, I’m sure I have something to arrange, that things should be done and still, I’m not making any progress.
Quite a joke.
I’m here on a paradise island, come on, what on Earth could possibly go wrong?!

But something goes wrong and I call my best friends to tell them grinningly what kind of ‘terrible’ things I have to face with. Sure thing that they also laugh at me and this ridiculous situation, a friendly laugh of course.
I know that the first step is always the hardest and starting a new life – although it’s a extraordinary privilege – requires patience and persistence. Blah-blah. So I’m trying to understand that I don’t necessarily have to run against the wind, probably for now my only aim is to understand the new vibes of a new place and to go along with this new slowness. To accept that productivity not solely lies in rush.

I was a doer in all my life. For somebody this restless it’s quite hard to slow down. I understand though that life continually teaches me and I have a lot to learn. So now I’ll take my beer, stop writing and go back to my comfy chair to watch the sunset.

Hashtag shit-I-whined-over-a-complete-blog-post.

(The blog posts and all the pictures on the website: Melinda Egyed/


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